Finding Love in America: Are You the One?
Since I began dating seriously in my 30s, I found myself often asking if the guy I was seeing at the time was “the one” I wanted to settle down with for the rest of my life. Frankly, I was less “husband hunting” than on the lookout for a devoted life partner in a committed relationship. To me, devotion, honesty and loyalty are paramount. At various stages of my decades of dating, I had almost given up on the notion of “marriage” until one day, out of the blue, “Mr Right” walked into my life. Really. Almost literally. We first met through mutual friends on the street! (Harvard campus – on Alumni Reunion Day) That was April 2013. We clicked almost instantly. Our connection was constant and natural. It was as if, all our lives, our different choices and paths had prepared us for this moment, to meet and to fall in love. We got engaged in six months, and we got married six months later.
I think that’s how life unfolds for many of us. We keep looking and looking – for love, for a job, for that incredible opportunity that will change our lives forever. But we don’t often realize that every moment of our experience, when we are mindful of its lessons to us, is teaching us how to get ourselves mentally and emotionally ready for that moment when unexpectedly, it will just come to you.
Remember in “Finding Love in America series: Part 1: Reality Bites," Q (nickname for Qinghua Zhao, from Xian China) was under immense pressure from her parents to find a husband and have children when she was about to turn 31.
She had failed to find a match for years until one day, she unexpectedly stumbled on someone who signed up on 2RedBeans, the dating website she’d eventually launch to help herself and many Chinese singles like her find a life partner. 90 days later, she knew “he is the one.” How did she know? As an engineer, how did she get herself ready to launch a startup?
Share your thoughts? Pitch me a story?
“One in a Billion” is listening to #China, one person at a time.
In our next episode, “Is Entrepreneurship Right for you?” Q will tell us how she found light at the end of the tunnel? Why she kept going? And where is the source of her strength?
We also want to include you in this conversation! What are your questions about being an entrepreneur?
To send us your questions and stories, Just go to our website at ChinaPersonified.com under “Pitch a Story."
Or email me your audio story (maximum 5 minutes) to info@chinapersonified.com before our deadline next Tuesday. September 27th. I may contact you for an interview, or include your voice in our next episode the following Tuesday on October 4th. I’d love to hear from you.
Music Used:
Lee Rosevere's Puzzle Pieces
Dave O'Brien's Busy Bees
Philipp Weigl's Subdivision of the Masses
What do you look for when you are seeking “the one?”
I believe the answer lies mainly in when you are looking and why.
When I was in my 20s, dating in America was a form of self-discovery. “The one” was usually someone, Chinese or non-Chinese, who opened my eyes to something new, something fun and exciting, something profound and intriguing. This “one” would be a bridge made of all kinds of materials that made it unique. This unique bridge, not a final destination, was what I wanted.
I was always attracted to quirky, charismatic and challenging characters who would make me laugh, cry, think hard, think again, try hard and try again. You may call that a teacher figure, a father figure, a mentor, a hero – but never a husband. I suppose I was indulging in this kind of self and life exploration because I could. My parents in Hong Kong never gave me pressure to marry.
Now I realize it’s very different for Chinese millennials seeking “the one.” Most of them are the only child, facing tremendous pressure from their parents in China to settle down, get married and have kids while still in their 20s.
But finding love in America is challenging for anyone at any age. It’s especially tough if you’re a woman approaching 30, and suddenly single after a 6-year relationship was over. That was Q’s story.
“Q” is nickname for Qinghua Zhao, from Xian, China. Her parents in China were getting anxious, and she told me she began “aggressive dating.” She went online, met many “good people” as she called them, but none was her match. While husband hunting, Q also hit a crisis in her professional life.
What would she do to find her husband and turn her life around? Honestly, I found her choices and grit amazing.
Here’s a hint:
Before she found her husband, she founded a start-up 2RedBeans a dating website for Chinese in America. She turned her personal problem into a business opportunity that would help other people just like her. How?
Share your thoughts? Pitch me a story?
“One in a Billion” is listening to #China , one person at a time.